Flow...Mind flurries

Picture your mind racing with a flurry of thoughts vacillating between the coherent and incoherent. It’s those moments where you feel like your mind just won’t shut up. Every ounce of my being wants to turn off and just be...just flow. The more lucid I want to be, the more disconnected I become. I can’t get a grip on my flow. Creative juices are tapped, relational reinforcements estranged, and routine tugs at me constantly; but where is the flow? Those authentic spaces where breath and life are synonymous. We each have a space that cradles our being, our light. It’s a spiritual connectedness that brings our mind back to our spirit and body. I am in a state of longing for this return...not to normal but to flow. 

The hard part is that I have all the time in the world, yet no time. Between my two new best friends anxiety and depression, time is shackled with preeminent thoughts of colliding world views and national conflict. Who wants to do anything right now accept reach for some semblance of connection through the virtual tentacles of social media and video chats? But all the while, I wrestle with the reality of this plasma like existence. I am moving but there is something missing; no energetic pull. And then, the old prude shows up, “Ms. Fear”. She is dressed in a yoga pants, a big comfy shirt and a bonnet. I love to hate her sometimes. She feels great, but all we do is sit around and dream of things we are afraid of ever doing. We have had a few choice words over the years, but she always seems to talk me down. Now, she drowns out almost every creative thought I have...Almost! 

Flow can’t live here. She’s powerful. She is boundless, and she is free. This space I long for has a feel that adds life and breath to my living. I’m a genius in the space. It is the place where the mind throws out a thought and our spirit siphons and crops the unnecessary. Our bodies, then synchronously responds in kind. It flows in the afterwards. I want my flow back God...I want my flow.